I’m a bit of an introspective introvert. I am constantly thinking.

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Constantly.

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My mind loves to notice everything; patterns, beauty (and ugliness), bugs crawling around that have no business being in my space without permission, but she also loves to ruminate on anything anti-Eboni. She loves to nitpick at my faults, my mistakes, and even make-up scenarios where somehow I end up being the foolish victim. She’s relentless with the self-sabotage and negativity.

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Five years ago, I started putting her in her place. If she started to go down the well-worn path of not being good enough, I’d tell her how mean she was being and to be kind to me instead. If she started going down the well-worn path of thinking about the past, I’d tell her to focus on her breath because right now is what matters. If she started down the well-worn path of depressing, made-up scenarios, I’d tell her to turn on healing frequencies and meditate; allow the thoughts to come through, but don’t give them energy or judgment. Just be.

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Eventually, she became softer, kinder, and I seemingly became more confident and balanced within myself. This helped immensely, and for a while, I was killing it at life. Doors were opening, energy vampires were disappearing, and I was strolling along with a heart full of life.

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Until… I wasn’t.

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My daily meditation practice started dwindling to weekly, then bimonthly, until suddenly I was meditating a few times a year, if that. My regular self-love talks in the mirror were happening less and less, and since getting off of social media, I was no longer seeing (or creating) positive affirmation posts like I often was.

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While my mental state is nothing like it was when I was younger, it’s definitely not what it used to be when I was meditating daily and verbally expressing love for myself and the world. Turns out that shit is powerful. Life-changing even.

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But the healing journey is long, and it tends to be all over the place. First you’re down, then you’re way down, then you’re slowly getting up, then you’re reaching the heavens, and then you’re back down again, but at least not all the way down like you were before.

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Healing (whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual) is not one and done; you have to work at it consistently, even if it’s something small like thinking about what you’re grateful for every night before bed. I used to gratitude journal every day (a practice I rather enjoyed and also helped immensely), but of course life started life-ing, and I was no longer doing the mental practices that got me out of my depression in the first place.

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This saying may be old (wisdom is ancient after all), but it still remains true: consistency is key. Repetition breeds progress towards your goals and confidence in yourself. Repetition can also breed bad habits and depression, i.e., constantly ruminating on past mistakes and fake scenarios; it all depends on what you’re repeating over and over and over again.

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You don’t need to be perfect (even if your mind tries to convince you otherwise), you just have to make the conscious choice every day to practice the things that’ll lead to a happier, calmer life. Even if that means sometimes you say “fuck it”, and sleep ‘til noon, eat whatever the hell your body craves, and do a whole lotta nothing until it’s time for bed.

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My brain has a tendency to ruin things, but she’s getting better. The good news is, my heart is always in the right place; my heart has no judgment, no fear, no anxieties, just love for life and all of its offerings.

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Maybe one day my mind will be the same. Until then, I’ll keep practicing.

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I’m reading this great book to help with my practice. It’s called “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz. He teaches you how to tap into the power of your subconscious mind to: improve your self-image; learn to use your positive past; set and achieve worthwhile goals; develop compassion, self-respect, and forgiveness; cultivate the power of rational thinking; and discover the key to a happier, more successful life. I highly recommend you get a copy.

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So far, he’s onto something. This book is from 1960, and as I said, wisdom is ancient (yes, I am calling you ancient if you were born around then).

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It all starts with your mind and how you think, feel, and what you believe about yourself.

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What are your beliefs?

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✧☽

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Song I feel jives well with this episode:

Thoughts by Another Human full playlist:

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